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Sep. 24th, 2015 08:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lang_noriegavosSeptember, 23rd
For all the glittering of the Miami nightlife, the darkness seemed infinite. Lang pressed her back up against the side of the bus, as away from the bright lights of the venue as she could be. For a moment, she stared down at the toes of her Dr Martens which she was starting to lose sight of as the days went by.
"Lang?"
She snapped her head up as Stefan rounded the front of the bus. She didn't say anything and went back to staring at the ground.
"You okay?" he asked, coming closer.
"Yeah, I just need a few minutes," she answered softly, looking over at him.
He nodded and extended his arm, holding her phone out to her. Lang glanced at it, then back at him. She frowned, but without saying anything, took it from him. He returned the sad look before turning away. Once he was out of sight, Lang pressed the home button and lit up her phone.
One missed call. Sebastián. Lang crossed one arm over her belly, propping her elbow and pressed the heel of her palm into the bridge of her nose. She didn't want to call him. Drawing in a breath, she closed her eyes and debated for a silent moment. But what if he had called about something important? He probably would have tried harder to get in touch with her. Unless he was only able to call once. She'd worry all night and not get any sleep unless she found out what he wanted.
She sighed angrily and dropped her arms so she could look at the phone again. She dialed and waited.
"Hey," he said when he answered.
"You called." She didn't bother with pretending to sound happy. "Is Anneke okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine."
It was then that Lang realized she could hear her voice in the background. With her fears put to rest, she said, "Good night, Sebastian."
"Lang, wait," he said quickly, trying to keep her on the line.
"What?" she snapped.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"So? That doesn't change anything."
"I don't know what else to say to you." He sounded desperate. Lang didn't care.
"How about nothing?" she snapped again, raising her voice, "You fucked up, Sebastian, and so help you God..."
"Lang, you're being unreasonable. It was one night. Anneke is fine." Was he pleading?
She grit her teeth and resisted the urge to angrily laugh at him. "Sometimes, you can be a stupid fuck," she said, "If you can't see why I'm so angry, then I'm done talking to you and I don't want to hear from you until you figure it out."
His turn to sigh in frustration and she could tell he was trying to keep from yelling back, "Just help me out, here, huh? Please."
She was silent, listening to the song in the background start over again and for a moment, she wondered whose benefit it was really playing for. "Sebastian," she growled, "I asked you not to bring your junkie friend--that same friend who sexually assaulted me--into our home while Anneke was there. And just the fact that he assaulted me used to matter to you. But instead of turning him away, you went against my wishes. Yes, you brought Anneke to your sisters on Saturday, but that doesn't matter. The fact is you chose him over us. You may as well have chosen heroin over your family because it's the same damn thing. That's all he's good for. You've done it before and I'm sure you'll do it again." She drew in a shuddering breath and wiped her cheek with her free hand.
"Lang, I didn't do it just to make you angry."
"Right. Because you're such a nice guy, helping out a buddy who was down on his luck." She drew in a breath. "He didn't need to be there!" she shouted. “He makes my skin crawl and you thought it would be okay because I'm not home?”
"Lang--"
"And if you want to go play with the big kids at the label, be my guest. Because what I say has no meaning for you and you only decided not to because you feel obligated out of some sense of passive-aggressive duty to us. It has nothing to do with actually trying to stay clean."
She pushed off the side of the bus and started pacing. "Hell, if you want to go get high, and I know you do, you may as well because who cares, right? Nothing matters to you! I've never really mattered to you! I've only ever just been a pretty distraction to keep your fingers entertained."
The words spilled from her lips as she realized exactly what she was admitting to herself. She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered her face with her hands, sobbing into her palms. "Oh God..." On the edge of her attention, she could hear Seb's voice, sounding far away. There was so much wrong with their relationship.
"Lang? Babe, talk to me."
She didn't hear Stefan coming back over, didn't see him, not until he was taking the phone from her.
"Seb, I think it's best if you don't call again, okay, man?" Stefan said into the phone as he wrapped an arm around Lang's shoulders. Tucking the phone into his back pocket, Lang turned into him and buried her face in his throat.
“What do I do?” she mumbled around sobs.
“You get some sleep and you take care of you,” he said, hugging her a little bit tighter.
For all the glittering of the Miami nightlife, the darkness seemed infinite. Lang pressed her back up against the side of the bus, as away from the bright lights of the venue as she could be. For a moment, she stared down at the toes of her Dr Martens which she was starting to lose sight of as the days went by.
"Lang?"
She snapped her head up as Stefan rounded the front of the bus. She didn't say anything and went back to staring at the ground.
"You okay?" he asked, coming closer.
"Yeah, I just need a few minutes," she answered softly, looking over at him.
He nodded and extended his arm, holding her phone out to her. Lang glanced at it, then back at him. She frowned, but without saying anything, took it from him. He returned the sad look before turning away. Once he was out of sight, Lang pressed the home button and lit up her phone.
One missed call. Sebastián. Lang crossed one arm over her belly, propping her elbow and pressed the heel of her palm into the bridge of her nose. She didn't want to call him. Drawing in a breath, she closed her eyes and debated for a silent moment. But what if he had called about something important? He probably would have tried harder to get in touch with her. Unless he was only able to call once. She'd worry all night and not get any sleep unless she found out what he wanted.
She sighed angrily and dropped her arms so she could look at the phone again. She dialed and waited.
"Hey," he said when he answered.
"You called." She didn't bother with pretending to sound happy. "Is Anneke okay?"
"Yeah, she's fine."
It was then that Lang realized she could hear her voice in the background. With her fears put to rest, she said, "Good night, Sebastian."
"Lang, wait," he said quickly, trying to keep her on the line.
"What?" she snapped.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"So? That doesn't change anything."
"I don't know what else to say to you." He sounded desperate. Lang didn't care.
"How about nothing?" she snapped again, raising her voice, "You fucked up, Sebastian, and so help you God..."
"Lang, you're being unreasonable. It was one night. Anneke is fine." Was he pleading?
She grit her teeth and resisted the urge to angrily laugh at him. "Sometimes, you can be a stupid fuck," she said, "If you can't see why I'm so angry, then I'm done talking to you and I don't want to hear from you until you figure it out."
His turn to sigh in frustration and she could tell he was trying to keep from yelling back, "Just help me out, here, huh? Please."
She was silent, listening to the song in the background start over again and for a moment, she wondered whose benefit it was really playing for. "Sebastian," she growled, "I asked you not to bring your junkie friend--that same friend who sexually assaulted me--into our home while Anneke was there. And just the fact that he assaulted me used to matter to you. But instead of turning him away, you went against my wishes. Yes, you brought Anneke to your sisters on Saturday, but that doesn't matter. The fact is you chose him over us. You may as well have chosen heroin over your family because it's the same damn thing. That's all he's good for. You've done it before and I'm sure you'll do it again." She drew in a shuddering breath and wiped her cheek with her free hand.
"Lang, I didn't do it just to make you angry."
"Right. Because you're such a nice guy, helping out a buddy who was down on his luck." She drew in a breath. "He didn't need to be there!" she shouted. “He makes my skin crawl and you thought it would be okay because I'm not home?”
"Lang--"
"And if you want to go play with the big kids at the label, be my guest. Because what I say has no meaning for you and you only decided not to because you feel obligated out of some sense of passive-aggressive duty to us. It has nothing to do with actually trying to stay clean."
She pushed off the side of the bus and started pacing. "Hell, if you want to go get high, and I know you do, you may as well because who cares, right? Nothing matters to you! I've never really mattered to you! I've only ever just been a pretty distraction to keep your fingers entertained."
The words spilled from her lips as she realized exactly what she was admitting to herself. She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered her face with her hands, sobbing into her palms. "Oh God..." On the edge of her attention, she could hear Seb's voice, sounding far away. There was so much wrong with their relationship.
"Lang? Babe, talk to me."
She didn't hear Stefan coming back over, didn't see him, not until he was taking the phone from her.
"Seb, I think it's best if you don't call again, okay, man?" Stefan said into the phone as he wrapped an arm around Lang's shoulders. Tucking the phone into his back pocket, Lang turned into him and buried her face in his throat.
“What do I do?” she mumbled around sobs.
“You get some sleep and you take care of you,” he said, hugging her a little bit tighter.
